“It’s Just Not Us”

Carrie Bradshaw utters these words about Big and her plans not to have children multiple times in the new Sex in the City 2 movie. It’s a sentiment I applaud.

I believe that as women we’re expected to have children and when we don’t want to fulfill this biological responsibility, we are seen as strange. Call it a symptom of my circumstances, but being a mom wasn’t what I wanted once upon a time. Eventually, that changed. And now that I have had one, people expect that I’ll have another. (Sorry, this uterus is closed.)

Unfortunately, responding truthfully isn’t enough. People (strangers and non-strangers alike) must question your decision to procreate and try to poke around your psyche. Why? Why doesn’t she want children? Let’s agree, it’s intrusive and it’s rude.

My hope this weekend is that Bradshaw’s honest answer to “Why aren’t you have kids?” will stop the prying and seemingly judgmental questions. And it may. A recent Maternal and Child Health Journal study out of the University of Nebraska at Lincoln found that women’s attitude about getting pregnant is laxing.

In a study of 4,000 sexually-active women, about 71 percent said they were not trying to get pregnant, while 6 percent said they were. But nearly one in four, 23 percent, told researchers they were “OK either way” – they were neither trying to conceive, nor preventing a pregnancy. Among the non-mommies, 60 percent said they were trying not to get pregnant, 14 percent were trying to get pregnant and 26 percent responded that they were leaving it up to fate.  Could this attitude-adjustment stop the baby interrogations?

Hopefully. Parenting is tough enough and shouldn’t be entered because it is the thing to do. Good for her and Big to realize that.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you been brow-beaten for your decision to not have a child or children? How did you handle it? I promise not to question your decision.

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“It’s Just Not Us”

3 thoughts on ““It’s Just Not Us”

  1. Mo says:

    I’m 40 years old and I have three stepsons—and no biological children. My middle stepson has given us two amazing granddaughters—and make no mistake, I’m just as much their grandmother (MoMo) as their other grandmothers. It’s a pretty good deal!

    This wasn’t the way I pictured my life when I was younger but for various reasons it’s how things are. I feel like I constantly have to justify that to people, like there’s something wrong with me. I used to lie about it—vaguely—implying that I couldn’t have kids. I used to avoid the question or change the topic. Now I just shrug it off with a “It’s just how things worked out.” Most people leave it alone. For those who don’t, they get the straightforward, “It’s personal and none of your business.” I know that’s not exactly polite—but neither is getting up in my business with such personal questions.

  2. shaolin2000 says:

    I don’t know if the pressure is just for women, I’m in my 30’s (booo) and I get the constant “It’s time” statements and “There is something wrong with you” from other people.

    I understand that because men can have children later maybe there is a little less pressure against the clock.

    But the truth is being the only boy in my immediate family and therefore being left the responsibility to “Carry the family name on” causes me regular headache.

    Oh did I mention that I am single also? Pile on the pressure!!!!

    Have I decided if I want to have children? I think so yes.
    Will I have them just for the sake of it? Nope

    How do I handle it when people start to pile on the pressure? I leave sometimes mid coversation, they’ll start on it and I’ll just get up and walk out. There is nothing worse than someone leaving when you are talking to them. It’s downright rude, but like the lady above if you weren’t up in my business then it wouldn’t have happened 🙂

  3. Cindy says:

    Yep – I really get tired of people asking that question and when I say “we decided not to” getting this in response “but WHY?” OMG shoot me now – you asked, you got, not stop. Seriously. But when my husband has been asked the same question and he gives the same response he gets off lightly with a shrug of their shoulders and an “OK” – double standard at its finest yet it takes 2 to make a baby (usually) (-:

    I am doing my blogs first giveaway – hope you will stop by and leave a comment

    http://cindywhitehead.blogspot.com/2010/07/orient-automatic-watch-give-way.html

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